The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
