The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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