i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
