his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
