Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
