We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
