im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
there is glitter all over my balls
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
