Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
