i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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