If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
