and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
