How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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