Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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