what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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