Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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