i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
