I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
