:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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