I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
