I am full of burrito and curiosity
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
