"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
