clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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