this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
