Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
