on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
