Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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