I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my shit smells like andre
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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