My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Are my feet made of real feet?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize