she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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