why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
