She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I need water and some morals
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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