So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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