There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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