life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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