Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
