I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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