and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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