Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
