Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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