Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
