If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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