I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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