Welp...herpes.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
