Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
