I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
