Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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