Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
