she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
your like the ambassador to my penis.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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