Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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