I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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