Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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