I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
