nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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