By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
