Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize