Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
