1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
