if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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