YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
