girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
